Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
