it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
