so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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