i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
