On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
