whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
