worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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