one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
4 words: hood of his car
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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