the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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