bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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