my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
