We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
