its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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