bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sext me about skeletons
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
