I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
