so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and she was petting her beer can
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
