how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
