I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
