There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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