No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
