Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
