I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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