I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize