my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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