I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
