you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All the doctor said was why
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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