Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
