I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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