ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
