my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
