I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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