Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
