My cat gives me a boner
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
