haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
