oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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