ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
