I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
