she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
