you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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