I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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