we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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