Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
