My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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