also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
