yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
