Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A bitchslap is in order.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
