No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
