She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
