My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My vagina just clenched in fear
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
