Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
