Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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