hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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