I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
