Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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