Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
