is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize