Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
