the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
