i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
