before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
