Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
