Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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