before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize