I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
