I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
