Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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