Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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