Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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