you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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