Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
