so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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