Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
