my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
