you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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