is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
