I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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