he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
