It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
