Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
