the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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