Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My dick has a subreddit
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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