Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
