Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
