her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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