the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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