You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
