All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I got chris browned last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
